Jump the Waves

My Rules.
I have some rules.

1. Jump the waves
2. Keep the gold
3. I am the star
4. Great friends have reasonable minds
5. Down with externals
6. All things being equal, choose good/happy
7. Others are mirrors
8. Reputations are first
9. Search for YES 
10. Your superpower is your kryptonite

These are not the only rules that guide me.  But, these are the ones that I keep coming back to. Through childhood, young adulthood, years of schooling, years of working, years of loving, parenthood, years of being.  They have been helpful to me and perhaps will be helpful to you, if only to inspire you to reject them in favor of your own!  I'm going to do a post for each of these and perhaps some others.  Stay tuned!

Jump the Waves

Growing up in a suburb north of NYC, our family spent two weeks each summer on Long Beach Island, NJ (LBI).  Two. Whole. Weeks!  Thinking about what it would take at this point in my life to arrange for two, consecutive weeks off of work makes me have a small panic attack.  Back then, two weeks away meant two WEEKS away.  No cell phones to connect to work.  No computers to check email. No email to check!  Everything moved more slowly, but it moved.  

So, when my father (a workaholic in all the best ways) took TWO WEEKS off of work?  Yeah. That was a BIG freaking deal.  Now, that doesn't mean I don't recall walks to the local police station phone booth for him to check in with his secretary periodically.  Or even a couple of times when he drove all the way back home to deal with an important case.  But, that was the exception to the rule.  And, the rule was TWO WEEKS.  I think this must be the reason my brother and I consider this time of our (otherwise pretty darn perfect) childhoods the best and most perfect.  Our "happy" place is LBI.  LBI meant our dad was present. All day. Having fun.  Bicycling with us, playing mini golf with us, taking us down the water slides of Thundering Surf, eating elephant ears and ice cream and Belgian waffles, and playing tennis and taking us into the ocean.  

I'm not sure what that was like for my brother, but for me the ocean was my Oz. It was scary and expansive, but beautiful and welcoming and full of promise and hope and bliss.  The water of the ocean was not the water of the Caribbean.  It was not a lake.  It also was not the Colorado rapids.  The water was calm at the horizon and crashed on the beach.  The goal was to get beyond the dangerous and unpredictable tow of the crashing waves to reach the calm flow of the deeper water (which was also dangerous, but I didn't see that as a kid, so stay with me here).  

As an adult, I see all of the dangers, but also remember how fun it was to play with the ocean; to run up to the water as it pulled back into itself and then run away as it tried to catch me, and then to run back even deeper the next time, dig for sand crabs, and expertly avoid seaweed and jellyfish.  But, when I was young, I was too short to even consider going beyond that initial dance.  And too afraid. And, not allowed.  So, my father would take me into the ocean and lift me up when a wave would come.  The wave would crash him straight in his face all while his arms were straight above him holding me safely above the fray.

When I got older, though, I became a stronger swimmer and a taller/heavier player in this game.  My father then taught me how to determine which impending waves to dive into, which were safe to jump up and over, and which were fun to ride into the beach. He taught me to keep an eye on the house on the beach and always make sure I was dead center in front of the life guard. But, he never told me to be afraid. In essence, he taught me what he knew about how to handle myself in the water. He didn't lift me up anymore.  He didn't keep me from entering the water.  He didn't (seem to) get worried that I would not be okay.  He just taught me what I needed to know and let me figure the rest out for myself.

So, rule #1 is actually two-fold.  It used to be to learn how to jump the waves of life rather than fear them.  But, now that I am a parent, it is a reminder to teach my kids what they need to know to tackle the ocean of life and then let them figure the rest out for themselves.  Oy.  That's harder than it seems! But, that's rule 1. The rest is easy sailing from here...