The Gold Standard

As a child, every year before school started I became very nervous.  Would my friends be in my class?  Would the teacher like me?  Would I be able to succeed?  I freaked out.  Not a little.  It really overtook my mind.  Ads for back-to-school savings made me nauseated. Look, I had issues with change (yes, I still do).  

And, every year like clockwork, my mom would notice this taking place and sing:

"Make new friends,
But keep the old.
One is silver
And the other gold."

And, like clockwork, I got mad at her.  She didn't understand. WHAT IF MY FRIENDS WERE NOT IN THE CLASS??!!!!  Make new friends?  Are you kidding me?  That's the advice?  Like it is easy to find someone to be your friend for the rest of your lives?  Why even BOTHER with silver if you have gold?? It doesn't even makes sense!  At some point if I keep all of the friends I will have a gazillion friends.  It's basic math.

But, every year I somehow got through, despite my apparent need to find a lifelong relationship with every friendship.  And now, decades later, I still keep in touch with two friends I met in kindergarten. Sure, I made other friends over the years; some who were VERY close friends for a period of my life, and others were acquaintances.  And, yes, I have reconnected with more now that Facebook is a thing.  But, those two friends aren't even on Facebook.  We barely have seen each other over the years.  But, when we do talk, we reconnect right where we left off.  We are not only connected and long-time friends. We each KNOW the other would do anything for us if needed.  It's a very deep bond.  It cannot be broken by distance or time, because neither was what connected us to begin with.  There is something very comforting about knowing I have my tribe out there somewhere on my side.  Just in case.  It's like a safety net I am not typically conscious of, making navigating life more possible and palatable.

So, the other day, my son (5) was a little down because so-and-so didn't want to play with him.  And, my immediate reaction (no, I am not kidding) was, "That's great!"  Now, he assumed that I had misunderstood what he said and so explained it again to me.  But, really I understood. I understood that while it hurt a little for this jerk precious child to reject my son in that moment, at least he knows who this kid is.  It is not going to take years or months or even days to figure out where this kid will fit into my son's life.  Finding the GOLD is rare and sifting through all the rocks and silver takes a LOT of energy. Sometimes you think you have struck gold and find out many many years later that you were mistaken all along. When that happens you feel confused, betrayed by your own instincts, and as if you have wasted so much time.  But, when people present themselves as jerks right off the bat, it's like a blessing that is NOT AT ALL in disguise!  It's a big ol' red flag from the Universe with a sign on it that says, "THIS PERSON IS NOT GOLD FOR YOU. MOVE ON."  What a gift, right?  

No?  Yeah, I get that a lot.  Very few people see it this way.  I really always have.  I used to call it, "I have enough friends."  But, really I am lucky, because I DO have gold and lots of it.  Much to my adult surprise, most people actually don't have gold in their lives.  Many don't even have silver.  I can't imagine what it would be like to go through life without gold in my pockets.  I guess in this way, I am really greatful to be part of that 1%! :)

P.S. Even my Ralph knows what's up: "Stay gold, Ponyboy."  (You didn't expect me to forget The Outsiders, did you?  I bet my GOLD friends would know better...)