What I Learned

Now that my Whole30 challenge is over (and the struggles resulting from reintroductions begun), I feel I need to commemorate the occasion.   I need to articulate what I have learned about myself, about eating, and about food itself.

1. New Foods. I learned that I love cauliflower, coconut milk, and ghee.  These will all stay.  I also will keep sweet potatoes around because, although they're not my favorite, they are good and a great filler when I need veggies in a rush.

2. Conscious Eating.  Being focused on what I am eating, and having a WHY to what I am eating, is a key to eating consciously.  I had heard that term before, and had thought that I knew what it meant and its importance.  But, this way of eating seemed to bring me deeper into that meaning.  In the past, "eating consciously" meant being aware of eating and what I was eating.  It was really a conversation I'd have with myself that involved the angel and devil on my shoulders arguing about whether I really want to eat X, which I am about to devour, and yes I know I am emotional but I am giving myself permission to eat X, and here we go about to eat X and feel like crap, both physically and psychologically. 

Now, however, consciousness is something much less childlike (and childish).  Now it means that what can equal X is limited to things that my body is not allergic to.  That's how I view my body's reaction to dairy and grains and sugar.  It is like an allergy.  Mangoes cause my face to swell up. The skins share some components with poison ivy, and years ago I developed a severe allergy.  So, while I love mangoes, I no longer ever eat mangoes (or even touch them) because I know they are bad for my body and even risky.  Grains make me very uncomfortable and bloated.  Dairy gives me a stomach ache. Sugar is an addiction.  Viewing them like this takes them out of the running for "X," which means my starting point is already much better for me.  I read labels carefully looking for these allergens, just like I make sure there are no mangoes in anything.  This is a huge change in perspective for me.  

3. Emotional Eating.  So, if I habitually ate sugar and snacks in an effort to cope with my emotions, what on earth did I do on Whole30 to cope?  Was I a mess?  Perhaps.  Did I come up with a different coping mechanism?  Maybe.  But, I think the more likely scenario is the "OMG" moment of this experience for me.  I was less emotional.  I did not have the need to eat because I was very rarely overwhelmed with emotion.  I did have a day here and there that were challenging.  And, I did eat nuts or olives or chew on parsley in those moments.  But, even those subsided relatively quickly.  The thing about addiction is that you can never get enough.  The addiction creates the greater need.  So, the sugar was causing me to be emotional so I would eat more sugar, and so on.  No therapy needed.  That must be what they mean when they say, "It STARTS with food."  Ohhh.  I get it. ;)

4. Domino('s) Effect.  After introducing sugar, dairy, and alcohol (and a few grains here and there), I have fallen down the post-Whole30 downward spiral faster than you can say "penne a la vodka."  I am trying to not be too upset with myself or the ground that has been lost.  After all, it is all really important information to gather.  And, based on my fear of the rules being gone, I guess some part of me knew this would happen.  The thing is that I am all or nothing.  Although balance is the answer to almost any problem I face, for whatever reason, I am incapable of eating the things I shouldn't in moderation.  I knew this was the case when I was pregnant (all three times), so there was no "oh, I'll have just one cup of coffee" going on.  I had ZERO coffee.  Why? Because I knew that one would lead to two.  And, I was unwilling to take the risk (because the risk was not to me...)

5. The Conclusion. So, in analyzing the journey of Whole30, the results thereof, and the direction I went thereafter, the conclusion is that if I stop being diligent about #2, above, then I will wind up doing #3, which will lead to #4.  It is that simple.  I can't make up for a morning latte with a lunchtime salad because there is a domino effect from the latte, which makes me "need" to eat something before lunchtime even comes around.  And, it makes the lunchtime salad unfulfilling, which will necessitate a mid-day snack, and so on, until eventually I order a pizza from Domino's (you know, "for the kids"), and the next thing you know I'm back where I started.  Or, perhaps a place that is worse.   I'm going to at a minimum return to a paleo diet M-F and see how that goes.

4. What's Next?  So, if it STARTS with food, then something else must come next.  I may be wrong, but I'm going to assume for me that is exercise, if for no other reason than it seems like a relatively good mistake to make!